♥ missin' something in my life..

Sunday, July 16, 2006 @ 7/16/2006 10:15:00 PM

he went trng... still waiting for his msg.. waiting... waiting... waiting...

Something is missing... wad's dat? i oso dunno.. i reali dunno..
i dunno wad my heart wants. sigh..
it's like, i have everything. i guess..
but in my heart it's yearning for something..

well.... i guess it's da X-FACTOR.. which i dun even noe. wad da...

im jus so demanding lah.. f* sia me.. such a demanding person.. cant jus live with wad i have.
anyway, ytd was so happy. reali reali happy. so sweet & bliss lah. =) love dat kind of feeling. but i suddenly realise and got a feeling dat he usually don't reciprocate. hmm.. it made my thoughts run wild.. like, is it i zhi zhuo duo qing? or he doesn't like it? or worse case, unfaithful!!! hope it's none of it. we went to ChompChomp for dinner aft a long n tiring day playing captain's ball. my class n his went in to finals, den we lost to them. shit lahs. can win de lor. we're very confident abt it. didnt reali like da girls in his class. esp one girl who gives me dat kinda f*ing look, blinked at me like wad sia. aft dat i went to dye my hair at compassvale walk. so he n i went for lunch before heading to sk in a cab. he drop me first den he went home for a nap. when im done, he came n pick me up.. oh my goodness!!! dis happens ONCE in my r'ship with him till now. ONCE!! ONCE in 2yrs4mths de r'ship!! oh my.. i was like so so happy lah. cos i oways c other girls de bf pick dem up all dis either from sch or wadever. i would start to feel envious of them...

argh.. aiyah, i'm jus oways making myself sad n being hurt lah. indeed im happy for other ppl.... but i feel sad cos i dun haf dat kind of care n concern. *sobs*

why he doesn't reciprocate de? make me feel dat im so foolish.. he doesn't like mushy mushy. i find it kinda weird.. why is it so?? dun understand da reason behind it. he's like so mysterious.. i'm beginning to question alot of tings.. bleahs. shit lah shit lah.. aaaahhhh` felt so fragile now..

talking on fone with him......... *in a confuse state*

sometimes when i talk mushy mushy tings to him.. he would reply in a way like it's so normal or he dislike it dat's y he somehow ignores it.. sucks lah.. felt so stoopid when i send mushy msges to him n received a msg which is normal.. i oso dunno how to describe lah.. but someting like dos bo chap kind of msg lor.. see le, i become sad.. no mood for everything..

he doesn't noe how to console an insecured hart.. alamak, i too demanding le lah.. hao bah, i better stop.. if not i can go on n on.. i pursue perfection, but im not one.. i suck man.. no wonder last time he'll hanky panky.. mayb cos of my sucky attitude.. oh no, i mus be alert and ready for any problems... if not my hart will be shattered into nano pieces.. which i tink we will NEVER EVER be able to reconcile again. so PLS better not happen..