♥ Bye to everyone.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 @ 10/29/2008 10:39:00 AM

Will change to livejournal soon and lock my entries. Totally locked. From now on, no postings at blogspot.

Take care, peeps.

Going back into my turtle shell. Ah wang~ lol.

♥ My 3rd...

Thursday, October 23, 2008 @ 10/23/2008 08:34:00 PM

It's my third time.... I think I'm more experienced? lol. My first reaction wasn't angry at all... I was quite calm.. lol. But after awhile, i came to my senses.. I cried in office, for goodness sake. Nobody noes tho. After lunch, went to the toilet and breakdown, really cannot take it. Then went back office to continue my work. I told my friend that I must drown myself with work so I won't think about that.

Sigh, just a little unsure of what he wants.. But, it's for sure that he can't have the best of both worlds... Yes, the girl is good, the girl is great, probably she can give him what I can't give. No matter what happens, i think i just have to be happy that at least our paths cross and we did try our best in this relationship..

I asked myself, "why is it always me? it's like on a yearly basis samore. WHY? my old scar just recovered and here comes a new wound..".

Fine, some people just won't know how it feels being hurt, till they experience it themselves.

Alot of things running in my mind.. I'm thinking alot alot alot... I'm really tired.. Mentally and emotionally.. Just now while buying lunch, I suddenly feel very stressed up. I dunno how should I go about handling this issue. Although it's my third time, I think I won't just forgive and that's all. If not, I will be doing myself injustice and he will think he can get away so easily everytime.

Went to SK, my MP3 sucks today, the songs made me cry on bus! To prevent myself from crying or thinking of this, I quickly switch to "Low", and repeat it till i reach home. Indeed it helped. I went to pass minjie's stuff to his brother. Went to compasspoint Ladies, I brokedown at there again. I gave myself 10mins to cry. After that I cleaned up myself and went up to his house to pass to minxiang. Somehow, he looked into my eyes knowing that I cried and looks a little worried. lol. Or mayb he was shocked to see that I went all the way there to pass his brother the singlets. haa.

Went home after that. I literally fell aslp on bus. Was very tired after one whole day of crying n tearing. I told my friend that I was tired and wanted to go home.. I really tired. Cos I can't possibly just rest, stare blank, daydream at office. I've to do my things despite all the issues in my heart..


It's the ache in the heart.
It's what i call, "heartpain".
Total confusion and helpless.
I find trouble and problem for myself,
I'll face it myself.
Anyway, it's partly my fault..
You can blame me.. Blame me for all you want..
I dun give a damn anymore..
I'm tired, I feel like giving up everything!!!!!
aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh..........

Dearie Rox, pub someday.. I'm feeling very vex..

♥

Tuesday, October 21, 2008 @ 10/21/2008 11:57:00 AM

What's with that pretender? So pretentious that I chose to ignore the pretender. I'm so gonna draw a clear line between the pretender and I. Oh pls, your mask is even "nicer" than mine.

Just keep on saying and make the HEADLINES everyday, if it PLEASES you. I won't give it a damn already. I will purposely ignore it and will NEVER let it affect me anymore.

We're not subjected to any obligations to PLEASE you.

Some people are just simply WIERD, you wouldn't know what's their intention for every action they make. Hmm... Probably... They are confused with themselves!! That's the one... They are confused.. Totally confused.. But, please, don't make us confuse too. We will remind each other what we really want..

Hmm... No time for each other.. But I think it shouldn't be any problem already.. Cos I am really getting used to it, and I'm doing quite fine with it.. Hee. So, please don't worry about me. Just go ahead with your stuff and commitments, orite? keke.. Anyway, absence makes the heart grows fonder, right?

♥ 3rd Meet~

Saturday, October 18, 2008 @ 10/18/2008 12:08:00 PM

3rd Meeting - 17th October 2008

Ytd was super fun. XR and I meet Peng at Tanah Merah then we headed to Dhoby Ghaut. Yong Liang and Worm was there first. So we chit chat awhile. Woon Cheng n Gretel were earlier than us, though Gretel said she'll be late. lol.

♥ Weekend~

Friday, October 17, 2008 @ 10/17/2008 10:10:00 AM

TGIF = THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!!

Today is gonna be a wonderful and eventful day. All my meals are planned, lunch @ Cafe Cartel and dinner @ The Manhatten Fish Market. I'm gladly anticipating for work to end and rush there to see all my friends as well as darling. hee.

The day before was bad for me, I just suddenly feel very emotional. I kept reflecting on how miserable my life is. Like, I don't have a family that loves me and don't have very close friends where I can really confide in them. Now, I realise how "poor" am I. Although I'm the eldest in the family, it seems that most of the effort are put into those younger than me or to the BOYS only. They get all the privileges and it's really very obvious. That's why sometimes I don't see the point in obeying them, or to even be at home. I will just listen and nod my head.

Now I realize how girls can be so unfairly treated. I swear I will not discriminate my daughters or sons in future. I will definitely want the best for them. I will not treat them like how i'm being treated. Yah, I admit there are ocassionaly pamperings from my dad. But it's not comparable to the rest. I just can't wait to go out and work and earn loads of money, so I can pamper myself with the things that I like and want.

I know I'm materialistic. But, this is my motivation to work hard so I can support myself and pamper myself.

It's nonsense to him. Although he said no, but it's quite obvious to me from the way he reply. So, after knowing it, I didn't wanna continue talking about all this with him. I decided to retreat and keep it to myself. Probably, that's all I can possibly do, since it's difficult for people to listen to all this. Was feeling very down that day, kept thinking of those unhappy stuff. But there is just no outlet for me. I pushed everything aside and went to sleep. Oh, but darling was sweet enough to say that "Although your family don't love you, I like you, I love you ah..". Thanks for your care.

A student asked a teacher, 'What is love?'
The teacher answered, 'In order to answer your question, go to the padi field and choose the biggest padi and come back.
But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.
The student went to the field, while going thru first row, he saw one big padi, but he thought to himself: maybe there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one… But maybe there is an even bigger one waiting for him. Later, when he finished more than half of the padi field, he start to realize that the padi is not as big as the previous one he saw, he found out that he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.
So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.
The teacher told him, '… This is love. you keep on looking for a better one, but when you realize later on, you have already missed the person…

''What is marriage then?', asked the student.
The teacher replied, 'In order get an answer to question, go to the corn field, choose the biggest corn and return.
And again, the same rules apply: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.
'The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reached the middle of the field, he has already picked one medium corn that he feel satisfied, and returned to the teacher.
The teacher told him, 'This time you bring back a corn…. You look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get…. This is marriage.'

I think the story is very meaningful.

♥

Tuesday, October 14, 2008 @ 10/14/2008 04:31:00 PM

11th October - Went out with dear for our DATE. After work I was feeling very sick, my lower back ache like mad, and i'm super tired. So as soon as I reached dear's house, i quickly ate the medicine for bodyache, the medicine can cause drowsiness. I closed my eyes and rested for awhile. Dear's mother came back...... oh... it's been ages since I last saw her.. hee. Went out to Orchard. I was feeling so blur the whole time, like drunk drunk that kind of feeling. I think it's cos of the medicine. I'm totally blur, i can't remember which shop i go and all. haa. But i just remember i had a great time eating at Manhatten, we ate Seafood Platter for 2 (the fried option). I just love the Prawns, the cheese sauce is SO NICE! And i love the Calamari Rings and the Garlic Rice.... ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh soooooooooooooo yummmmmmyyyyyy~
Dear tabbed the bill. Thanks darling for the sumptuous and scrumptuous dinner. I LOVE IT..!

Hmm.. there seem to be some problem recently. Sometimes I just dun understand why they are reacting this way. Every step and every action that we take is wrong, and we always seem to be in fault. But it's not true ar, we didn't say who cannot go with us and all. No one restrict anybody to join us. In fact, she was the one who stray from us first ah... Then now it seems like we neglected her and exclude her.. As peng said, chalet is the only and best event to get bonded with friends. I guess, that's a very wrong decision. And the worst thing, no one was informed. Cos if at least u let us know that you've left, and will surely persuade you to stay over. sigh.. I know it's good to be sensitive, but i think, shouldn't be too sensitive oso ah.. Like that it's very difficult for us cos, we have to be very careful with our words and action.. This really draws a line between us, as friends we usually speak straight from our mind, but now, we have to be careful. So it'll be quite pretentious and wierd. In the past, everything was okay ar... you even follwed us eat Ban Mian and all. But suddenly you just stray away from us...

Hopefully, we can solve this problem soon and things will get better.

♥ 4 years 7 months.

Saturday, October 11, 2008 @ 10/11/2008 12:14:00 PM

4 Years and 7 Months together...

After work went to find them at town. Nothing much to say. Everything just didnt turn out well.. From my head to toe and from inside to outside. All I did was to smile my problems away infront of them. But some will noe how it feels in your heart... There is just this kind of sharp pain that you'll feel.. I don't know how to describe. If you ever cut your wrist, then mayb you'll know that it feels like that in your heart.. Those sharp sharp pain.. And my face will start squeezing like I'm gonna cry anytime soon, and tears will build up in my eyes.. I will curse and swear in my heart.. My body will be very violent, I will start clenching my fist, or i will hit the wall or do something which cause pain. I think cause i'm very angry with myself..

Sometimes i ask myself, " Do I deserve all these?", "What have I done wrong to be in this situation?"

It's hard to pull out my happy memories, which I will always try to think back when i'm feeling down..

But sometimes, it hurts even more... Cos you'll think, why in the past, we can be so happy, yet now things are always turning bad..

Is it true that medicine will cause the person to turn haywire? Oh gosh.. I'm just so angry and upset with myself..

It's difficult to talk about this to others, they may think i'm crazy. haha. I'm very cautious with my words and actions. I don't open myself up to others, unless they make me feel comfortable. But there are things which i've accepted and don't mind saying. Like, I'm from a broken family and all.. For other things, I just quietly talk to myself in my heart..

Living in fear. I'm scared...

Will be going out after work. No idea where yet.. But i think we'll go out?


QuestionS in my heart, waiting for people who can give me answerS...

♥ Life is like a rollercoaster...

Wednesday, October 08, 2008 @ 10/08/2008 08:42:00 PM

hmm....

Many many thoughts running through my mind... I dunno who to start and dunno where to start..

I'll start with work....
So far my work is not giving me much problem. Just that sometimes I can't focus and may stray away. Facing the computer has caused my eyesight to get poorer. I hope it won't get so worse.

Next, to my emotions....
I'm facing lots of problems.. not a surprise anyway.. I'm always facing problems.. many many problems.. it's very difficult to solve it, cos i dunno how.. my heart just feels very tight.. whatever step i take, i'm taking a risk... But it seems that every step i take is a wrong one, which causes me to regret and feel so down... So so upset that I walked from TM to the next bus stop when there is one just opposite the road.. He's sick, so I tried my very best to give him advice to help him feel better.. But the reply wasn't very good, it somehow dampen my mood.. I told myself it's okay.. So i continued to smile and msg him.. Hoping that things might turn out better in after awhile.. Seems like it didn't.. Anyway, I was still excited that i'll be meeting him after work.. In then end, we didnt meet.. He gave me 2choices, but I chose not to meet him... Cos i feel that he seems reluctant and his mood was not good (like angry with me that kind), so we might quarrel or things may turn out sour.. So i said "Den nvm, it's okay. we meet another day. you go home and rest early bah k?" He's reply was so hurting.. I cried while walking to the bus stop.. It's not easy to control those tears.. It just flow.. My heart just ache.. My leg hurts too.. But I don't care, i even thought of walking to TP to take Bus 8. But I gave up cos my leg is getting tired..

Enough of all this. I'm getting emotional... Feel like breaking down... Crying has been activated... Tonight is not the right time to cry, cos tmr i've work.. I shall control till Friday night... I just feel so helpless..

Sometimes, it's better not to know so much things.. Rox, you shouldn't have read her blog. It'll only bring you pain.. I know how it feels to find out such things.. I also thought that there wasn't any girl there.. I think it's better to be kept in the dark, than to find it out ourselves. Or probably it would have been less painful when this came out from their mouth..

♥ Humours..

Tuesday, October 07, 2008 @ 10/07/2008 03:44:00 PM

Pls click on the image to laugh!


STORY BEHIND YOUR DATE OF BIRTH

If U were born on the 1st, 10th, 19th, 28th of any month U r number 1....



If U were born on the 2nd, 11th, 20th, 29th of any month then U r number 2...



If U were born on the 3rd, 12th, 21st, 30th of any month then U r number 3...



If U were born on the 4th, 13th, 22nd, 31st of any month then U r number 4...



If U were born on the 5th, 14th, 23rd of any month then U r number 5...



If U were born on the 6th,15th,24th of any month then U r number 6...



If U were born on the 7th,16th,25th of any month then U r number 7...



If U were born on the 8th,17th,26th of any month then U r number 8...



If U were born on the 9th,18th,27th of any month then U r number 9...


Number 1
You are smart, straight talking, funny, stubborn, hardworking, honest, Jealous on competing basis, kind hearted, angry, friendly, authorities, Famous person...always want to be and regarded as first on people Position, they are often like to be independent, will never be under Others, self confident people! You are most likely to fall in love in the younger age, but will get Marry when you mature! You are likely to have problems with people who have opposite views And you are most likely to take revenge over your Enemies in a long time basis. You are a spender, but you will have a good profession in the future. If you are guy you will be very popular that everybody will have mental attraction and respect at you. You can go anywhere from the local shop to the heart of the parliament because you are positive and Well talented in numerous issues!! But in your life you will always have some people who will work hard To bring you & your name down. This is undercover!! Coz of your smart behavior you will be hated by some People too... Your family life is very cool, you will have a very nice partner & Wonderful children... You are pioneer, independent & original...



Your best match is 4,6,8 good match is 3,5,7 !!!


Number 2
No matter what, you will be loved by every one coz your ruler is the Moon and every one loves the Moon. Well.. You are a person who day dream a lot, You have very low-self confidence, you need back up for every move in your life, you Are very much unpredictable. Means you do change according to time and circumstances, Kind a selfish, have a very strong sense of musical, artistic talent, verbal communication. Your attitudes are like the Moon, comes to gloom and fade away so everybody can expect Changes in you. You can be a next Mahatma Gandhi who does peace love or you can be a Hitler who wants to destroy the man kind and peace (I mean in the community and your own home). If you really have a deep thought about your own believe in God you can Feel the difference which will make you stronger! Most of the time your Words are a kind of would be happening true! So without any knowledge You can predict the situation. You will become poets, writers, any Artistic business people! You are not strong in love, so you will be there and here till you get Marry.. If U r a girl you will be a responsible woman in the whole Family. If U r a man you will involve in fights & arguments in the family or Vice-versa. Means you will sacrifice your life for the goodness sake of Your family...You are gentle , intuitive with a broad vision, a power Behind the scenes, well balanced People!!!


Your best match is 2 ,5 ,9 no other people can put up with you !!!


Number 3
You are a person of hard hearted, selfish most of the times, religious, Loves to climb up in your life. You always tend to have lots of problems Within your family in the early stages but you will put up with everything.. You have the strong word power, pretty happy face.. So wherever you go always You have got what you wanted!!! And from the birth always wanted to work hard in order To achieve something.. You will not get Anything without hard work! When you reach a man/ woman age you want other younger Once to listen to you because you want younger people to respect people older than them. You do set so many examples to others.


Generally you are not a cool person. It ' s not easy thing dealing with you. A tough player you are! But once you like someone ' s attitud! e then here you go, what can I say? It will be a lasting friendship. You always have respect from others. Your life seems to have lots of worries and problems but sure they won ' t be long.. You will always have brilliant kids!!! You love the money a bit too much so temptation will push you to endless trying and trying.. If you are a guy then it ' s over. Looking after your family and help friends, so you will spend a life time just being generous and kind (except 21st born men). And number 3s you will be such an example of how to be in the culture & life!!! If you are girl then you have good character and culture & hardworking attitude. You always follow You are a freedom lover, creative, ambition focused, a person who brings beauty , hope & joy to this world!!!


Your best match 6 ,9. Good match 1 ,3 ,5 !!!


Number 4
You are very stubborn too, very hard working but unlucky in important matters in life, very cool, helpful, you have rough word power.. Might put lots of people away from you, you may cause nuisance to others if you are a man, and you often understands others and their problems well. If you are a girl you are very good with studies and arts. If you are a guy you spend most of the time after girl friends (almost) at times, you will have sort of too much fun life with mates & girls. Your friends will spend your time & money and get away with their life and you will become empty handed and don ' t know what to do... So be careful!! You love to spend anyway!!!

Your good will is you are always there to help family and friends. Tell you what you people are little gem! s, specially the girls.. You always fall in love in younger age as well. You often live with disappointments, for an exampleyou have got a degree in some thing... but you will be unemployed.. or will do very ordinary jobs..But you will take care of your family very well...All you need to be careful of people who will take advantage of your kind heart. And beware of your relations too.. You are radical, patient, persistent, a bit old-fashioned, you live with foundation & order...


Your best Match 1, 8. Good match 5 ,6 , 7 !!!


Number 5
You are very popular within the community, you can get things done by just chatting..to even enemies! You have a pretty good business mind, you are often have no-idea what is today is like, or tomorrow is like, you are a person who does anything when your head thinks 'lets do this'. You will be famous if you open up a business, get involve in share dealings, music etc..


Very popular with sense of humor ,you are the one your friends and families will always ask for help, and you are the one actually get money on credit and help your friends. You will have more than 1 relationship, but when u get settle down you will be a bit selfish anyway. Coz your other half will have a pretty good amount of control in you, be careful! You tend to go for other relationships! Contacts even you are married at times ' coz your popularity.. You are someone who get along with anyone coz the number 5 is the middle number.. Changes & freedom lovers you are! You are an explorer with magic on your face. You learn your life through experience and it ' s your best teacher!!!


Your best match 1 ,2 ,9. Good match 6 ,8 !!!


Number 6
Ooopppss..you are born to enjoy.. You don ' t care about others. I mean you are always want to enjoy your life time, you are a person.. You will be very good in either education or work wise or business management! You are talented, kind (but with only people who you think are nice), very beautiful girls and guys, popular and more than lucky with anything in your lives. All the goodness does come with you. Your mind and body is just made perfect for love. You are lovable by any other numbers. But if you are a number 6 man, you will experience kind of looks from most girls and will involve in more than few relationships until you get married. If you are girl, most of you will get marry/engaged early.


You are a caring person towards your family & friends . If you miss the half-way mark then you are about to suffer physically and mentally. Generally you will lead a very good inner-home happiness with nothing short of. You are a person of compassion, comfort & fairness, domestic responsibility, good judgment, and after all you can heal this world wounds to make peace for every life coz you have the great power of caring talent to make this world of love one step further...


Your best match 1, 6, 9. Good match 4, 5!!!


Number 7
You have got the attraction to anyone out there, you are realistic, very confident, happy, such a talented individual with your education, music, arts, singing, and most importantly acting too. You have real problems with bad temper! If you are a girl, you are popular with the subjects listed above. You give up things for your parents. I mean you value your family status a lot, you will be in the top rank when you reach a certain age. If you are a guy you are popular with girls, you are a very talented too.



Most of the number 7s face lots of problems with their marriage life.Only a very few are happy. You have everything in your life, but still always number 7s have some sort of unfullfilness, such worries all their lifetime. It ' s probably the Lord given you al! l sort of over the standard humans talents and you are about to suffer in family life. So you need to get ready looking for a partner rather than waiting. If you don ' t, then you might end-up single. So take care with this issue, ok? You are wonderful, friendly, artistic, happy person.. You are born to contribute lots to this world!!!


Your best match is 2. Good matches are 1,4 !!!

Number 8
You are a very strong personality, there ' s no one out there will understand you. You are very good at pointing your finger at some thing and say 'this is what'. You are more likely to suffer from the early ages. I mean poverty. If your times are not good you might lose either of your parent and end up looking after your entire family. You often suffer all the way in life. The problems will not allow you to study further, but you will learn the life in a very practical way. You are the one who will fight for justice and may die in the war too. You are normally very reserved with handful of friends and most of the time live life lonely and always prepared to help others.



Well. once you get married (which is often late) then your bad lucks will go away a bit and you! u become safe. You will face un-expected problems such as : the error, government, poisonous animals, accidents. You are some one with great discipline, persistence, courage, strength which will take you to success. You are a great part of a family team. You are a fighter!


Your Best match 1 ,4, 8. Good match 5 !!!





Number 9
Hey...you guys are the incompatibles people in the world. You are so strong, physically and mentally... You are often have big-aims. You will work hard and hard to get there. Normally you suffer in the early age from family problems and generally you will have fighting life.. But when you achieve what you have done, it ' s always a big task you have done! You are so much respected in the community, you are a person who can make a challenge and successfully finish the matter off. You are very naughty in your younger age, often beaten up by your parents and involve in fights and you seemed to have lots of injuries in your life time. But when u grow you become calm and macho type. Love is not an easy matter for you. You are good in engineering or banking jobs coz people always trust you.





Your family life is very good, but will have worries over your children. Your such qualities are humanitarian, patient, very wise & compassionate. You are born to achieve targets and serve every one all equally without any prejudice. You are totally a role model to anybody in the world for a great inspiration.





Your Best match 3, 5, 6, 9. Good match 2

♥ Emotional Outings...

Sunday, October 05, 2008 @ 10/05/2008 08:38:00 PM

OUTING WITH FRIENDS - 30th September


The Guys & The Girls...


Group Photos...


Group Photos...


Kelly Services Group & Girls + MJ


Just US . .

♥ low point in my life.

Thursday, October 02, 2008 @ 10/02/2008 11:36:00 PM

30th september - Work & Gathering
We had a gathering. This time round, Xiao Ran joined us. It wasn't all that good for me. Yes, I felt like crying. An yes, I felt like leaving at many point of time. I refused to see, I refused to hear. I just want to blank out and withdraw from everything. I just hate those moments. So helpless, so miserable, so xin ku and felt like bursting out in tears. All these, I bear it all by myself.. We ate at Changing Appetite, Marina Square. I ate Dory Escapade, my mood was damn bad that I can't even taste wad i'm eating and didn't enjoy my food at all. We chit chat, took photos, walked around, slack at Starbucks and home I go while they go drinking. I just couldn't take it anymore. I don't have the mood for all these. But after awhile of msg here and there, I guess everything starts to get a lil better when he made the effort to settle things..

Msged and cried at the same time.. I noe it's stupid.. But I have to let it off.. I love crying to myself.. I don't noe why.. Probab;y I don't wan ppl to see how ugly I look when I cry? lol.

Everything is fine now when we sit down n talked, we shared our thoughts and feelings. Hope it will be better.. It pains me to see him busy, tired and sick.. yet forking out time to spend with me. But in the end the time wasn't well-spent. Boos.

Have you ever experience all those that I experience the other day? I don't wanna say much. Store it into my heartdisk, hoping it will crash by itself someday.

2nd Oct - Work
Talked to yanqing today on msn, she said when she read my blog. It's 2 totally different Magdalena (the one she sees and the one who blogs). Split personality? lol. No lah, it's just that I don't wanna show out my sorrows and unhappiness. I like to be a strong person.. I don't like to look weak, that's why I always put up a strong front. hee. Also, I don't wanna spoil everyone's joy. hee. Thanks babe! I noe you care.





1st Oct- Pictures & Outing with Dear and Friends
Meet up with dear before meeting the rest. Adeline was there too. Had some conversations and chats with her. Previously, we didnt talk at all. hehe. Till yesterday, I realise that she got read my blog, thru Melvin's link. lol. Hey girl, do leave a tag and let me noe your blog link if you have one, yea? hee. See you soon during their next outing. It was fun shopping with the guys right. hee. Nice knowing you too. (=



Adecco - IP Branch.
Came back to work on saturday. Need to pack some stuff to move to Tampines Branch.


Eating dinner with joel.
He miss me loads, that's why we sat down and had dinner together and catch up with each other. hee. Like so matured right? hee.