♥ troubled=(

Monday, April 09, 2007 @ 4/09/2007 11:31:00 PM

Sigh

It seems like there are many problems. I can't take it. Couldn't sleep at all last night after fifi told me that meiyan, our sec. sch. senior, passed away in a bike accident.. I just couldn't sleep, and kept thinking about her. Her face just keep appearing in my mind. You ask me why? Beats me. But i just couldn't accept it, i don't believe she's gone. I was scared and was crying. It's sucha tragedy.

Since i couldn't get to sleep as i was scared, i drop him a SMS. But sad to say, he wasn't concerned at all. Cos when he woke up and SMSed me, he didnt seem to care and as if the SMS that i sent was wordless and blank. You really don't care about me? To think i always consoled and calm your fearful heart when you've nightmare or anything. Why can't you just give me lil of your care and concern? Is it so difficult? sigh. I'm so tired now, only managed to sleep from 7am to 11am.

Even when i'm with you. You didnt consoled me. I thought to myself mayb cos he don't know how to type it out. But i was wrong. Totally wrong. Sad to say, higher expectations means higher disappointments. It always happens to me. I don't know why either.

Watched a Taiwan romantic drama serial, Corner with Love. Very nice. Very touching. Tear-ed a lil while watching, but at times i tear-ed not because of the show. sigh.

Went to school with him to do some admin stuff with Sam. Sam said i'm his secretary. oh gosh, do i look like one? lol. Anyway, mj tried to crack jokes to make me laugh. But hey, it ain't funny. In fact, it made me sad.

Forget it. Anyway, it's LK's birthday. Wished him Happy Birthday. When he replied, the SMS that he sent pierced my heart. I felt the ache. I don't know if i'm thinking too much or it's a matter of fact that..... Don't wish to mention.. I know it myself will do. And, what i said ytd, B-I-N-G-O. But it was their friend's gf. But, I, myself know why i feel this way. It's the thought that counts, who cares whatever the answer will be. If i were the person, at least i'll ask. Anyway, I don't even know where the place will be. Ah! Forget it. Bull Crap! Gettin' drunk? lol.

Bused home alone. Lonely. Kept thinking of all the stuffs i've encountered recently. Without knowing, i tear-ed again. Don't know why, but it seems like i'm so emo. Guess it could be caused my my period. If u know it, understand me. I don't like my laughters to be so fake. I want to laugh with you till our sides hurt and our cheeks ache. Miss those days. Don't make us drift apart. Don't let our memories fade. Don't fade away from my heart.. I still love you despite all these. I don't know why either.

Anyway, i'm tired. I wanna turn in early. All these things just crash my brain, suck up my brain juice and cause constant headaches and blackouts. Hate it! Tmr gotta wake up early and meet my friends for shopping. Look forward to it. It's gonna be a tiring day cos at night going to watch mj's B division competition. Must Win!! =)


Loves,
magdalena<3

♥ Dilemma.

@ 4/09/2007 02:12:00 AM

Good Friday & Easter Sunday.

Thursday;
Watched his match. exciting!
Went to Safra Tana Merah for Bowling session with my family.
Fun!
Headed home for Mahjong session.
Both of us lost abit.
Boos.
Slept at 2am.

Friday; Good Friday!
Around 2pm, steamboat for lunch.
He doesn't seems to like it.
But i love it.
I LOVE MUSHROOMS! =)
Hee.
Around 6plus he headed home,
saying he has "training".
Actually is an excuse cos i asked him to go church with us.
Oh well, won't force him then.
My mindset starts to change after today.
'Cos i know, my lifetime partner must be a Christian.
As such, i'm kinda lost.
I guess, i can only watch as i take each step.
Maybe things might change for the better.
His mum ever said before that we're both from different religion.
But that time i was still young at thoughts,
not that matured yet.
But now it bothers me.

Anyway, he watched his VCD while i watch TV.
Neither did we SMS nor talked on phone.
Boos!
Fine, fell asleep and didnt sent my "goodnight msg".
He slept at 6am.
Suppose to meet early and go to his competition together.
But he woke up so late.
Got lazy and didnt felt like going out.
So, stayed home and Mahjong-ed with my family.
After dinner, bro, sis, dad and i went to watch his Finals.
Headed home together for Mahjong session.
I lost bitterly, 40bucks!
Oh gosh!
Argh.
Worst thing is, i got said by him again.
Isn't the first or second time oready.
I got really fed up. So hurt.
Always pick on me and find fault with me.
Didnt concentrate during the whole Mahjong session.
Stopped at 5am.
I teared when i was alone.
He slept at my room.
mih ssim
He knows it, I told him.
But he don't care.
Wadever then.
This adds on to my Friday's frustration and dilemma.
It somehow influences my decision.
But on account for the years.
Hmm..
I still do love him.
Alot. Seriously.
I think we've begin to see each other's shortcomings too.
Well, forget it.

Sunday; Easter Sunday
He didnt want to go church with us again,
cos he has training(for real).
We played Mahjong in the afternoon.
Then he headed home while i went to church.
After his training, He went to LK's birthday celebration.
At... one of the Pub at Boat Quay..
He didnt tell me until i asked to know.
A lil' disappointed. But nvm.
Bound to have girls.
IT'S OKAY.
Who cares.
Surround them also can.
Haa. Laughing till my sides hurt.
I can just say, "Enjoy yourself and have lotsa fun!"
And also, his hp's batt super low.
Which means, uncontactable till he reaches home and charge it.


Ah!
Enough of all this.
Change topic.
I had fun with all the little toddlers at church today.
They're super adorable and I love 'em all!
But I don't want to give birth.
Lol.
Super painful and will lose the body figure.
In future, I gotta think twice.
Haa! Haa!
The best is, just suffer once and get a pair of twins.
And it must be a girl and a boy.
Lol. Kinda impossible.
Haa.

Hmm, it's better to end off with a happy note and a smile.
or a laugh, which is much better.
HAHA! I Love Kids. =))


Magdalena.=)