♥

Sunday, April 30, 2006 @ 4/30/2006 12:18:00 AM

hmm.. m here to blog again.. thanks to my messed-up life dat i've got so much tings to say.. lol.. ytd had a dream.. a VEH BAD dream, dat i woke up from my slp crying. argh.. wad's with me man..! went to tm to mit azim n aili to pass aili her pressie.. aft dat went to mit him.. hmm.. i oso dunno wad to sae lah.. but, i jus feel so different from da past.. im like with a stranger.. tho' it's him.. nth much to tok.. nth much to do.. but at least i get to mit him after a week, since he's so busy from mon to sun.. im jus out of his schedule.. so, when i get to mit him.. my hart will be overjoyed.. reali.. but.... i jus dun get it, y tings jus dun go well.. jus now poured out most of my feelings out.. but da strong me, is being strong.. dat i can control most of my tears.. yeah! im half-way to success.. hmm.. i oways wonder, is it we're not compatible or wad.. or our birth characters clash.. haa.. wad lame nonsense im tokkin.. keke.. wanted to c his mummy, so long didnt mit her le.. till when we're leaving den she came to fetch us to hougang mall.. so kind of her, xie xie ni.. hee. ate at foodcourt.. eat da fish bee hoon, den i pour pepper. when seated down, my eyes got itchy. n i rubbed it with my finger dat has pepper!!! gosh, it's sooooooooooooo painful.. cant open my eyes.. keep on tearing n it swelled.. luckily he came n blow my eyes cos it's so hot.. ran to da toilet to wash my eyes.. ouch! i hate peppers in my eyes!! pain pain.. aft dat jiu go walk walk in ntuc jiu go home le.. was kinda awkward in da bus.. didnt want him to put his hands arnd me.. yah.. it's cos of dat "ting".. images of him&her, jus keep lingering in my mind.. making me super moody.. y dat bitch keeps staying in my mind.. argh..! i jus hate her to da core. cun imagine seeing her on streets.. or when me n him saw her on da street n she goes, " hi minjie.. ni hao mah?" argh!!!!! *pukes pukes* yikes~! God, pls dun let me meet her.. im afraid i'll give her a tite slap across her face.. bitchy seducer.. u're despised n hated by me..

leave me alone with happiness; missyM...

♥ my happy life!

Friday, April 28, 2006 @ 4/28/2006 07:10:00 PM

yeah! haa.. jus now went to sch in da morning. kinda tired, cos it's 9am in da morning.. n i gotta wake up early.. haa.. n worse is da lesson is CSA, a computer lesson.. but guess wad... LOL!! we had a surprise fire drill... wahahahahaha.. we went "yeah!!!".. cos we get to skip CSA lecture.. plus da lecturer jus start not long onli.. keke.. samore she jumped n screamed when da bell went off.. so damn farni lah.. haa. went to bball to assemble den we go n buy books n notes AS A CLASS.. c how united r we.. yeah! hee. aft buying notes, we took some class fotos.. so nice. yesh, we all look good. hee. aft dat ziying went out with her frens den eelin went home. so huiwah n i went to tm makan n chit-chat.. eat at food court.. chatted while eating.. take care ait, gerl.. went to shop shop awhile jiu go coffee bean slack n chill.. draw lotsa tings on da tissue paper.. will post it in awhile.. we oso took fotos.. nice nice.. keke.. n we're da M.E.H.Z= Mag.Eelin.Huiwah.Ziying! hee. so lame rite, but i find it cute.. lol.. aft dat we went home lor.. so here i am blogging.. yup, im living happily with my frens.. im back on my feet! sorrows please leave me.. i dowan u.. i wan HAPPINESS.. hee. he go training.. who cares? haa.. well, it doesn't bother me anyway, so wad for go n care.. he can do wadeva he wants.. i'll not bother it.. s long i lead my own life happily jiu ke yi le.. anyway, huiwah n i decided to join pacesetters s our cca le.. hee.. looking 4ward to it.. keke.. but i oso wanna join netball.. cos i wan to do smth active oso.. so i'll take up 2cca.. hee. bye ppl.. im going for cell group le..

huiwah draw for me de.


it's me, drawing for huiwah.


H & M masterpiece.


mag & huiwah 's drinks


wahh- & missyMAG at Coffee Bean!! =)



well-taken rite? hee. yeah!=)

♥ last chance

Wednesday, April 26, 2006 @ 4/26/2006 04:14:00 PM

boos. here i am again, to update abt my crappy n messed-up life. i tink my problems kinda solved. is it? not too sure too. well, but yah, cont' frm my prev post. went through alot dis few days. luckily i had lots of frens by my side hu constantly cheered me up n consoled me. esp, SHEENA. woots. cheers babe! der r many many more like dos frens hu tagged me cos dey're concerned. thankew ppl... tings come so quickly n it go so quickly, which caught me unalarmed. i hope i've learnt a lesson, dat's to always be strong n independent no matter wad. cos i still have my darling frens in my life. i'll always treasure dem, swear! i dun wanna take dem for granted, cos i noe da feeling of being taken for granted. n mos importantly, i'll love dem always! haa. love u gerls. i've made a bunch of nice gerl-frens in school; huiwah, ziying & ee lin. had been hanging with dem for jus 5days, n we can tok aniting under da sun. cos we've huiwah, hu tink of topics.. lol! cheers gerls~ from now onwards, my friends will be da ones i love most. hee. tings n ppl dat always make me upset will be ignored, for i dun wan to be sad anymore. i wanna lead a joyful n meaningful life. yeahs!!

hmm.. looks like im not di onli 1 going thru betrayal love.. sounds like im consoling myself. haa.. anyway, thanks to my soft hart, dat i gave our r'ship another chance.. i told him it's da last chance.. but i noe in my hart dat i oso dun wish to end da r'ship, cos of da deep love i have for him. he wouldn't understand wad it means to love a person deeply, cos he dunno how to. it's kinda sad tho'.. cos i've to live with it for s long s im with him. anyway, i noe dat tings wouldn't be da same s b4, it'll change drastically.. esp. my perspective of him.. he used to be da purest person n ever-faithful guy in my hart.. but..... too bad, tings jus changed. sometimes i feel dat wo zai zhi zuo duo qing. no gd no gd!! mus change.. i'll make it a point to not be distracted by him.. n dat he'll not affect me no matter wad he do.. cos it's not worth it to brood o'er issues/person dat u noe will nv come to a stop or dat he'll not give a damn abt how u feel.. or shuld i sae, not even in his hart.. well well well.. all my problems n wadsoever, will be my past.. everything will become history.. now, im entering da life of my own; which is to shelve all unhappiness n distractions n enjoy my life with frens, stay cheerful, be independent n strong.. even if it means to put up a strongfront.. i'll do so..


u lead ur life; i'll lead mine ,at our own world..

like i've said, it's not Msquared anymore. n i dun adopt dat anymore. but too bad, my blog add cun be changed.

`missyMAG` [surprisingly, no "sighs" at all in dis entry. im on my way to a happy life!]

♥ caught him again..

Saturday, April 22, 2006 @ 4/22/2006 05:01:00 PM

hmm.. i dunno y, but God is always being so nice to me.. God let me found out tings which "he" doesnt wanna tell me. haa. God, U're good! i saw his true colours. i reali saw. wad more can i say abt him??[i noe it all in my hart] guys are all da same. i bet u gerls wil agree with me. especially guys whose character n personality are like "him", im sorry, my perspective of u all will be bad.. argh.. saw da fotos in friendster, i jus burst into tears.. wth.. she have no shame at all! i'll not say da name. bitch~ seducer! dun she noe he's attach? well, probably, he doesnt wanna tell dem dat he's attached.. sigh.. i dun understand y i can still hold on.. chat with my guy-fren, n he say "wah, u can tolerate sia..".. hmm, i oso tink it's da 1st time im so strong.. n dis r'ship had made my hart dead. can some1 soften a hardened hart?? give my hart some feelings.. to be able to feel the love again.. y other guys seems to treat me better than him? y m i precious in their eyes, but not in his? *sigh* aaaaahhh.... i reali hate it, hate it dat i always have to find out such tings.. u dun love me jus say it out lah.. dun have to do sucha tings rite.. pui~ fuck off.. dun eva say u love me.. it feels so fake now. when i confront him, he'll definitely deny it rite at dat veh moment. cannot be my eyes r playing a fool with me.. it's him.. n yes, it's him.. *cries* y mus it be him?? -sobs- it makes me feel dat all da love i've devoted to is nth n is gone.. sigh.. i tink we're reali not meant to be 2geder.. we're jus forcing ourselves.. n forcing myself to be 2geder will not have any happiness. i've a strong will, dat's y altho many a times i said i wanna gif up, i still hold on to him. but i tink dis time i cun hold on anymore.. it reali hurts me alot. no gerls can eva stand it seeing dat.. n i've been kept in da dark for like 4mths.. gosh, how blur n dumb m i.. it's hurting.. reali hurting.......

swing, thanks for ur listening ear n advice.. luckily i have u to share my problems with.. or else i oso dunno wad to do le.. love ya~ keep in touch always k. take care yah? u're a wonderful fren to me too~ hmm.. had been busy goin to sch's orientation.. it's boring n tiring. get to noe my classmates. xchanged no. n email.. yea, dey're a nice bunch of ppl.. especially da gals.. we get along well.. n began to be close oreadi.. it's a new sch, n i'll start fresh.. study hard hard.. n not get distracted by him le.. not worth it.. he oso dun treasure me, wad for spend so much time on tings dat u'll nv be appreciated for.. sigh.. he's sucha disappointment.. didnt expect him to do such tings.. he even got da guts n conscious to do it.. hais.. reali nth to say to him oreadi..

jo, help me.. u sae u'll help me de.. now how????? hais..

numbed hart; missyMag

♥ lonely tues..

Tuesday, April 18, 2006 @ 4/18/2006 01:51:00 PM

hmm.. it's tuesday again.. n it's jus me alone again.. well, but luckily i had vocal training 2nite while he go training.. argh, da day b4 had a quarrel with him again. F***! erm, cos i didnt msg him.. i jus feel dat we'r drifted apart. so i was quite reluctant to msg with him.. n i always have dis feeling dat he's not faithful lahs, which means he's doing smth behind my back.. *sigh* da feeling is not good at all.. cos u haf a feeling of loss.. as if he's not urs anymore, n u gotta share him with other gals.. -insecured-
"msg-ed" till around 10.30pm.. den he go online, a lil' insecured again.. but i jus ignored it lah. den he suggested tokkin on da fone, i told him im kinda afraid dat it'll be awkward. cos we like didnt tok on fone for ages liao.. n plus, we're not in veh good terms. but he insist dat der's nth wrong.. so we tok on fone lor.. ARGH! im rite.. we ended quarrelling.. i reali reali reali regret tokking on fone with him.. i should have followed my instinct~!! stupid mag, stupid mag! he said dat da way i tokked to him is different from last time.. but he got think anot, da last time he is referring is when?? 1yr ago? or 2yrs ago? aahh.. sometimes i feel dat i've had enuf le.. but my hart is glued to him.. body n emotion is weak, but my hart is statyin strong with him. so difficult. so difficult to make decisions, sometimes. but i swear, i really love him alot.. he's da only guy dat i've devoted my every love n time to. he's precious to me. i treasure him lots. i feel upset when i dun c him.. my love for him is un-measurable. i love u, darling. *sompa*

ytd went out with him.. since da nite b4 till b4 meeting him, we didnt msg at all, but both of us still meet at da agreed time n we manage to find each other w/o contacting. went to Heeren to get our sandals. yeah. like it lots. hubby get da same 1 s me; Havaianas golden sandals. went to bugis aft dat. dunno y, but he's honey-sweet. n i admit i felt touch. embracing each other, gives us warmth in da midst of a cold weather. holding hands n running across da road under da pouring rain. it's romantic. i've counted, it's da 2nd time. da 1st time was in sec 4, aft sch, we went to selegie area n it's pouring. we held hands n run across da rain. hee. *sweet* aft dat we went to potong pasir's mac for dinner den go watch match le. aft dat jiu go home. hee. enjoyed my day with him.

watched 100% Entertainment. xiao gui suddenly cried in da midst of da Variety Live Show. i wanted to ask hubby, "why?". but he asked me 1st.. haa. er, so i told him dat mayb is cos of r'ship problems. both of us pity xiao gui. to me, i veh xian mu him cos he still can laugh n joke around despite his sadness.. (hmm, still learning to be like dat) but, it's hard on him, surely within him hurts alot alot. but it's so hard to find a guy whom is so emotional like him. nowadays, guys r so hardy, dat dey seems s tho dey'v got no feelings de. dis type of guys surely r not romantic de. i prefer guys who haf emotions but r strong; like xiao gui dis type lah. probably, my boi is oso like him, who is sad but didnt show his emotions. i think so too. i felt so sad n guilty, dat i didnt care abt him, like didnt ask how is him or if he's sad or wad.. sorry darling.
baby, tell me ur problems if u have. dun keep it to urself. i can take it de.. no matter wad, jus voice it out. i'll be understanding, i promise, ok? pls, dun keep it to urself.. if not, wad is gf for, rite..? take care, precious. <3 bb!

♥ lonely Good Friday

Friday, April 14, 2006 @ 4/14/2006 02:40:00 PM

hmm.. today is Good Friday, suppose to restrain from meat.. or mayb even fast.. sigh.. jus felt so down lah.. probably cos today Jesus died on da cross, n i felt lonely without Jesus. wahaha.. wad rubbish, God will always be with me. yeah. n im glad He has always been faithful to me.. i'll fast breakfast n lunch, 4pm den eat. ytd slept at around 4.30am, chatted with eugene for 3hrs, my buddy who always listen to my problems!! *cheers* to our buddy-ship! well, was tearing as i chatted lah. he's doing fine(in fact, VEH GOOD. haa) with his gf.. pour out all my problems to him lah. n he listens lor.. thx for ur ear, gene.. found out another bad thing again, but 4get it lah. hu cares.. since i shouldn't noe, den i'll not care abt it lor.. anyway, sometimes i have to learn to let go n also to pull back.. but i guess, pulling back will onli cause hurt.. cos if i pull back, he'll be so close to my hart, which makes it even easier to hurt me.. *sigh* :( sometimes i jus dun feel like caring n thinking abt all dis darn things. it's so frustrating n tiring. it drains me out.. i always wonder if i should act as if nothing happens at all n to always put on a smile each time i c him.. but i noe by doing dis i will onli hurt myself more.. but at least he's happy rite.. hais.. it's reali tough.. so tough dat i felt like giving up.. ai yi ge ren, shi zhen de na me tong ku mah? the hurts dat i received had become unfading scars..

it's so easy to sae dat i wanna give up, but it's cos of my deep love dat i persevere n hope for da rainbow to appear after each storm.

i jus dun understand y, the rain jus cun stop. even if it doesn't rain, there isn't any sun. it's all grey or black.


`living in a dull world`; missyMAG...... -i wish my hart is dead-

♥ selfish love

Thursday, April 13, 2006 @ 4/13/2006 06:16:00 PM

boos.. well, another day didnt went well again. gonna have piano lesson tonite. anyway, a whole day of free time definitely make me think upon lotsa tings yah. hmm.. haiya, oso dun wish to say lah. sometimes tokking abt things dat are not nice onli makes ur hart sad n disappointed. n it'll make u hate dat person.. i jus felt drifted from him lahs. got a kind of bad premonition. probably things wun ever work well for da both of us.. mayb we have to face reality someday. somethings even though have been solved, but da hart will still not be healed. da hart is da most vulnerable and when not well-taken care of, will one day break n can nv be fixed again. so, yah dat's all lor. just be glad dat my hart is not shattered to pieces yet. always count ur blessings n erase hurts.
always thank God even if the situation is bad. therefore, THANK-ew Lord for letting me feel hurt so dat i can realise my past past happiness i had..



`living with tears`; missyMsquared was here.....................

♥ three is a crowd

Wednesday, April 12, 2006 @ 4/12/2006 06:03:00 PM

hmm.. as lie on my bed n started thinking of things.. i've realise 1 thing, a relationship is not onli abt feelings.. it's oso abt a persons way of thinking. although i believe dat da hart can be very persistent n resistent, da mind is oso strong enough to influence da hart.. n i noe he has a strong mind with a weak hart.. his feelings for me are shallow. he gets excited with other girls. whereas with me, i guess he's tired of me already. sigh. each time i think of it, i jus felt like givin' up, cos da hurt will prolong bcos i keep thinking of it. well, guess both of us had reach to a stage where we've had enuf of each other. -sigh- no matter wad, my hart is still going strong for him. but for him, im reali disappointed. probably he's embarrassed to haf a gf like me. hmm.. i've got no other choice but to accept it.. i noe i've got lots og weak points. if u dun mind it, i m reali glad.. but if u mind, im sorry...


living with tears; missyMAG

♥ one person'

Saturday, April 08, 2006 @ 4/08/2006 09:12:00 PM

sigh..went to meet grace early in da morning.. took part in 2-on-2 bball gala. got bang on my nose by one gal's head. *ouch!* painful.. my nose bled n didnt felt veh well aft dat.. anyway, we didnt win lahs. so lousy.. played ball from 4-7pm. around 8pm jiu left da place le.. grace went to chanel's event. so i go back myself lor. hubby wants to play ball, so nvm lor.. im damn tired.. will bathe den go to sleep! oh yah, my HP SPOIL!!!! da screen crack till veh jia lat sia.. sad`


i will try to live w/o you``

♥ a GOOD cry-out..

Friday, April 07, 2006 @ 4/07/2006 10:48:00 AM

waoh.. so long didnt update.. haa. had been quite busy dis few days. will update all according to dates k?

2nd April
went to church. help out in da children ministry. i led in da singing n worship. da kids made fun of me! i so embarrassed lahs. gosh! when dey greet me dey go, "Good afternoon, aunty magdalena jiejie!" wah seh, my face blush straight away. cos dey usually call me magdalena jjiejie, but dey always make fun of me by saying aunty. i saw baby faith calling me jiejie Madagascar!!! argh.. dis kids are reali making a fool of me.. anyway, haf a fun time with da kids. but its darn tiring. *wipe sweats* went for dinner n headed home!! yeah.

3rd April (Highlights)
hmm.. dis is a bad yet good day for me.. bad is cos, hubby n i actually planned to meet up. i msg-ed him da moment i woke up. n he oso msg-ed me da moment he woke up. however, we onli received it at around 2pm. which means we had been waiting for nth. i tot he had not woke up so i decided to go n bathe 1st so at least when he wake up i can straight away go n meet him already. aft i bathed i c dat he still haven wake up, so i went online lor. n so coincident, he's oso online. so we chatted in a reali harsh tone.. i'm so hurt when he talks like dat.. *sigh* den i ask if we're still meeting, [hubby: dunno.. . me: wad dunno.. . hubby: dunno means dunno lor..] urgh.. so pissed eh.. so i humbled myself n went to his hse even tho' he didnt sae he wanted to meet me. i msg-ed him he oso didnt reply me. when i reached his block, i waited downstairs for like 45mins. cos he didnt reply me, so i dun dare to go up.. skali he dowan to let me in. i'll feel veh rejected de.. so i waited n cried, waited n cried.. till he msg me say, " y u walk to my hse so long de".. den i went up. guess wad, i didnt tok for da whole 2hrs.. i already felt so bad n hurt.. if i were to tok to him, i'll definitely cry. so i decided to remain silent. [[sorry guys, dis is gonna be a long entry]]. half way while watching tv, i wanted to go home, cos my tears r rolling soon. but he insisted dat i go home later.. so i sat dwn again.. 6pm; he sends me home. we're so quiet. so cold too. *sigh* talk a little abt da problems. talk n talk abt it. till i reach home, i jus said "bye" n walked to my hse w/o even looking n waving at him. i cried on bed.. aft awhile, decided to bring puipui for a walk. guess wad, i met him. oh no! anyway, i received his msg when i saw him, it's "shall we talk".. is it fate? well, God wants us to talk things out bah, He noes im extremely sad bah.. went to a void deck to talk lor.. should i go into details?? wait he angry again how?? er.. mayb i'll skip dis part bah.. but indeed i cried reali hard.. i cried till like da world n everything had collapse. i swear dis is da hardest cry n da best cry i've had in my life till now. i was so hurt at dat point. well, it was dos hurt dat were accumulated dat made me cried my heart out. *sigh* - tooooooot- [dis part i'll not say bah, i jus cried lah.] cry for abt an hr den we went for dinner at 9pm. he's hungry but i got no appetite. went home aft dat. ending was okay. it went back to normal. but he realise da importance of me again.. onli when tings are going wrong, den he'll realise. sigh.. dat's all bah.. sad but good rite?

4th April
i go meet grace n mum. i was caught in da rain. went to meet rachel n anuty yongfong. he's helping out in da temple, so didnt msg him till he was at home.

5th April
he went to temple early in da morning to help. i went to meet grace at hougang. meet up with him at heartland mall. cos we miss each other. he bought a Nike shirt, i choose de!! yeah. n he said it's veh nice. haa. he pei me go eat dinner at KFC. aft dat jiu headed home. sat 62 all da way to geylang den back home. ended with a passionate kiss. `muacks`, baby!

6th April
actuali meeting him in da morning at his hse de. but his bro at home, so decided to meet in di afternoon. but i had to follow nic to da hospital for his intestines to be checked. so.. der goes our date.. *bleahs* hate it when things are like dat. well, but dear hubby came to novena square to meet me n gave aunty some old jerseys. picked nic at da hospital den he go training le.. sigh.. went home for piano lesson n realised dat we left an envelope in da hospital.. gosh!! how blur i can be..


`THAT'S ALL FOLKS` wada long entry....

♥ First of April

Saturday, April 01, 2006 @ 4/01/2006 01:22:00 PM

ello.. APRIL FOOL'S, people!! haa. well, didnt get tricked by my family.. haa, cos im aware of dis day. keke. tricked hubby! he believed it. i told him im goin to da hospital cos of brething difficulties. abit mean of me to do it, cos it's quite serious rite.. hee. but oso dunno wad to trick liao, cos im not meetin him today, so cun trick him on da spot.. sian. he went training arnd 12noon. left me at home. bad bad boy.. hmm, regarding my previous post, guess, it's onli my point of view. cos he find dat it's okay to be laughing n joking arnd with gerls as long the gerls r his good frens n i noe da gerls can liao. sigh. is it reali okay? well, if it's okay den y sumtyms he get so pissed when im happily chatting with other guys? he noe them oso wad. stupid logic rite? *sigh* i oso dunno if wad i wrote in my previous post is rite or wrong.. cos i feel dat it's not okay, i feel dat it's considered flirting, is it?? i oso dunno lah.. so confusing.. wad's da meaning of flirt? some1 tell me pls! hais. so fan ar.. ytd tok abt prob again, s usual, he changed topic. so we didnt get to solve da problems again. sigh.. anyway, its normal liao.. get used to it can liao.. i wish he'll be more caring n loving.. not dos heck-care heck-care kind of guy.. :'[

i jus read my conversations with some of my ex(s) that i print out last time.. hmm.. not bad lah, i got quite a good past.. haa. jus blame on my stupidity for not treasuring people. *abish* myself.